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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29730390">Victory Over Mine Enemies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/esteefee/pseuds/esteefee'>esteefee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stargate Atlantis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blow Jobs, Established Relationship, M/M, Nobel Prize, Purim Gift, Team as Family</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:06:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,978</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29730390</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/esteefee/pseuds/esteefee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Neil deGrasse Tyson is up for the Nobel. Can schadenfreude travel across galaxies?  Rodney McKay proposes an experimental model and gives John blue balls.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rodney McKay/John Sheppard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Victory Over Mine Enemies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A Purim gift for my Jewish friends, finished only just in time, PST!  Now that it's finished, I find myself uncertain as to whether McShep blowjobs are an appropriate Purim gift. Anyway, no disrespect intended, and if you want to skip the sex, please jump from "you're coming with me, right now." to the last five lines.</p><p>Chag Purim sameach!  א פרייליכן פורים</p><p>[Also, truly, if anyone does consider this an insensitive Purim gift, lmk and I will delete the Purim tag/note.]</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rodney smirked to himself as John steamed into the mess hall limping slightly and wearing noticeable bruises on his arms.</p><p>Gesturing grandly beside him, Rodney said, "I saved you a spot."</p><p>"Gee, thanks." John twitched next to him and said softly, under his breath, "Ow."</p><p>"Did Teyla hit you hard enough?"</p><p>"Hard enough for what?"  John shoved ahead of Rodney in line and sorted through the sandwiches, grabbing a turkey and tossing a roast beef on Rodney's tray without asking. "She always hits hard. You should try it sometime." A carton of milk and a package of spicy chips landed on John's tray. Rodney got a Diet Coke and a packet of Cheetos.</p><p>"You just seem to be limping more than normal, that's all," Rodney said airily. "Don't forget the cookies."</p><p>"I needed to let off some steam." John dropped a bowl of salad and a packet of dressing on Rodney's tray.  Rodney scowled until he added a chocolate-chip cookie. John's salad was spinach. Rodney shuddered.</p><p>"It's just a few more days," Rodney said. "And it's no more than you deserve."</p><p>"You act like you're not even feeling it."  </p><p>"Oh, believe me, I am."  Rodney smirked again, and John gave him a suspicious glance as he led the way to their corner where Teyla and Ronon were already eating. Ronon moved aside his laptop and Rodney set down his tray.</p><p>"Thanks." Rodney started in on his sandwich. He was unusually hungry for some reason. "Teyla, you remember the SuperBowl frenzy around here, don't you?"</p><p>"I believe I do. That was when the Daedalus brought us all that food?  The nachos, pretzels, and all that popcorn?"</p><p>John groaned. "Those were just the snacks."</p><p>"Yeah, Teyla, remember? They served us pizza at the main thing,"  Ronon said. He gestured at his tray. "Much better than this grodol." </p><p>Rodney's brain insisted the last word translated as 'animal waste fed to processors to make compost,' and he choked on his potato chips. Ronon patted him on the back.</p><p>"Awful, right?"</p><p>"There was a football game in there, too," John protested. "An awesome game with lots of action."</p><p>"Eh. They wore so much padding you couldn't hear the bones breaking."</p><p>Rodney's coughing turned into laughter. He pointed at John.  </p><p>"Jesus, Rodney. Give it a rest before you choke on your own spit."</p><p>"I'm sorry, John. I do not remember the game," Teyla said. "But the food was superb."</p><p>John crossed his arms and glared. "Whatever. You guys don't appreciate good entertainment."  </p><p>"Why are you so upset?" </p><p>If John told Teyla the truth, Rodney would have an aneurysm right here and now.</p><p>"I put a lot of stake into that game when my team's involved. And I'm kind of superstitious about it. And now Rodney is...claiming he's superstitious too. About the Nobel Awards."</p><p>"Another game?"</p><p>"Yes," John said with vicious satisfaction.</p><p>"No." Rodney gave him a punishing look. "The Nobel Prize in Physics is awarded by an august body of—"</p><p>"Privileged old white guys—"</p><p>Rodney kicked John under the table.  "—by The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences. Who are yes, mostly rich, old white guys. But not all!  There are some...young, rich, white women as well."</p><p>"So, it's a physics game," Ronon said, his voice dry as the bread on Rodney's sandwich.</p><p>"Nice. Real nice. Did you put him up to this?" Rodney nudged John's boot again, and John kicked back, and then Ronon's big bug stompers got in there somehow, and Teyla rose swiftly, backing away.</p><p>"As always, a pleasure dining with you all," she said and exited. Meanwhile, Rodney's soda tipped over from the rocking and completely ruined his cookie.</p><p>"Damn it!  Now you owe me a cookie."</p><p>Ronon reached over onto John's tray and grabbed his. For one, sweet, delusional second, Rodney thought Ronon would offer it up, but instead, he put the end in his mouth and stood up.</p><p>"Later," Ronon said and took his tray with him.</p><p>"Nice," John said. "You chased 'em both away."</p><p>"Me?  Me?  You're the one in a rotten mood because you're not getting any." Rodney poked through the remains of his cookie to see if any of it could be salvaged.</p><p>"I could get some if you would toss out this stupid superstitious nonsense."</p><p>"You're a fine one to talk. Who wouldn't even give me a simple blow job because his precious Beavers were in the playoffs?"</p><p>"Ravens, the Ravens! How are you so smart and you confuse a rodent with a bird?"</p><p>"How are you so smart you think your chastity will make a guy in a different galaxy throw a football better?"</p><p>John bit his lip. "I don't. Not really. And I gave you a great one right after they lost."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>"And it won't help Tyson lose the Nobel either!"  John's eyes went liquid and entreating. "And are you sure you want Ackerman to win?  Isn't he the guy you were ranting knew less about string theory than a mole rat?"</p><p>"Possibly. Possibly. But this way, I get victory regardless: you suffer the sting of rejection I felt when you wouldn't blow me in Lab 13 due to your silly superstition, and if Tyson loses, I enjoy the somewhat spurious triumph of having caused his defeat through questionable dark magics. Win-win!"</p><p>"Win-win," John said dismally.  He flipped over his extra napkin and revealed a cookie. "Here. To the victor belong the spoils."</p><p>Rodney snatched it up. "So they do," he said, somewhat mollified.</p>
<hr/><p>Rodney expected John to be waiting next to him at the dial-in, but he appeared to be late.  That didn't bode well for John getting any at the post-Nobel sex-off celebration. Frankly, Rodney was a little disappointed John would be so petty about the whole thing. Just because they were sleeping together with the agreement no one else would sully their relationship, and with the added stipulation they both had an extremely meaningful attachment to each other, didn't necessarily mean sex was available on-demand to either party, a point John was careful to make when Rodney got persnickety about his lost blow-job on Fantasy Friday.</p><p>But just as the first chevron locked, John came rushing in with Ronon and Teyla at his heels, all of them looking cheerful and happy. They all nodded to Woolsey and then grinned at Rodney.</p><p>"You're late," Rodney said, eyeing them suspiciously.</p><p>"Only just," John said.</p><p>"You're just in time," Woolsey placated.</p><p>"We were getting ready."</p><p>"Ready for what?" Rodney frowned.</p><p>Teyla gave Ronon a not-so-subtle shove. "We are here, in any event."</p><p>Rodney's questioning was interrupted by the backsplash of the gate engaging and Woolsey communicating with the SGC, and Rodney turned back to his console to ready the decryption of the databurst.  Usually, he let Chuck handle the whole thing, but Rodney wanted it done fast and right.</p><p>"Well?" John said, sounding breathless.</p><p>"Just a moment." The burst wasn't large, and Rodney had the processing power of an entire Ancient city at his disposal. "There we go.  Dividing the decrypted packets now.  Here's the news.  Let's grab this week's worth of New York Times."</p><p>"I'm almost excited," Ronon said.</p><p>"Hush," said Teyla.</p><p>"What's the word, Rodney?"</p><p>Rodney grinned. "Oh, so sad, Neil.  What a disappointment."</p><p>"Ackerman won?" John sounded way too thrilled.</p><p>"'David Ackerman has been awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics. The underdog surprised the international physics community, who were betting popular physicist Neil deGrasse Tyson would be taking the valued prize.'"</p><p>"Woo!" John offered high-fives all around.  </p><p>"Yes, yes, bully for the good guys," Rodney said, slapping John's hand.  "Ow."</p><p>"C'mon. We have a surprise for you," Ronon said, grinning at Woolsey, who nodded.</p><p>"Yes, go all of you. I'll be along shortly."</p><p>"What?  What surprise?"</p><p>"Rodney. To remain a surprise, you mustn't be told." Teyla tucked her hand through his arm.</p><p>"Yeah, there's a protocol for these things."  John caught him on the other side, and together they dragged him down toward the transporter.</p><p>"But...but I have gloating emails to compose!"</p><p>"Compose them later. They won't get out until next week, anyway."</p><p>"True." Rodney didn't see where Ronon had palmed the map, but the transporter doors opened a familiar hallway, and ten steps later they were in the mess hall. The noise level was unusually high for so late in the day.  "What's going on?  Is it my birthday?"</p><p>"Happy Nobel Prize Day!" Teyla said as they came around the corner and Rodney saw: tables laid out like a buffet filled with game foods: nachos, soft pretzels, hot dogs, bowls of popcorn, potato chips and onion dip, chicken wings, and fried things that Rodney couldn't identify but made his mouth water.</p><p>"We even got you pizza," Ronon said with relish.</p><p>"And it's all citrus-free, buddy. Even the guacamole and salsa." John patted Rodney on the back.  "We invited the entire science division. Figured they'd all be a little miffed about classification holding them back come Nobel Prize day."</p><p>"That's..." Rodney's throat ached a little, and he swallowed. "Very nice. Nice indeed. Thank you. Thank you all."</p><p>"Teyla made the menu. Ronon and I coerced Woolsey and the chefs into giving up the rations. We promised to do a special order for the next <i>Daedalus</i> run."</p><p>"Thanks for this. It looks amazing. Are those...fried cheeseburgers?" </p><p>Teyla nodded. "Yes. The chef said they were called 'baby heart-attacks.'"</p><p>Rodney rolled his eyes. "What does he know?"  Rodney reached for the nachos, first. No one ever made citrus-free nachos.   He flicked a glance back at Sheppard, who was grinning from ear to ear. Rodney planned to jump his skinny ass as soon as he'd enjoyed feasting his victory over his enemy.</p><p>Oh, Einstein in his infinite wisdom, these nachos were good.  He filled a plate then went over to the table with the cheeseburger things. Oh, dear father of science.</p><p>"Come over here and have a heart attack with me."</p><p>John grinned and sauntered over. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?"</p><p>"You," Rodney licked his greasy lower lip, "are getting my very best blow-job at the earliest opportunity.</p><p>John stared.</p><p>"Want some?" Rodney offered him a cheeseburger bite, pushing it past John's open lips. John blinked aware in time to close his mouth and chew before swallowing it down.</p><p>"Oh, wow."</p><p>"Right?"</p><p>John's tongue flicked out. "How, um, long do you need to be here?"</p><p>Rodney waved a hand. "I'm just getting started. This food is fantastic. And I have to talk to Jönsson—Hey, Dr. Jönsson, get over here and try this—and find out whether she knows anyone in the Royal Academy I can email to thank personally for voting for Ackerman."  Rodney grinned and popped the last nacho in his mouth then looked down at his tiny paper plate. "I need more nachos."</p><p>"I'll get you some. You get more of the baby cheeseburgers."</p><p>"Roger that. Meet you back here."  Rodney grinned and gathered up more cheeseburgers. He filled two plates because they were going fast, and ended up elbowing Ronon. "Watch it!"</p><p>"You need two plates?"</p><p>"One's for John."</p><p>"Oh.  You having fun?"</p><p>"This is my favorite Nobel Prize Day ever."</p><p>"Good. That's what John wanted."  Ronon grinned at him and shoved three heart-attacks in his mouth at once, then grinned around them at Rodney's disgusted look before walking away.</p><p>"That man is a troll."</p><p>"Which man?" John set a plate of nachos down next to Rodney along with a slice of pizza, and then slid a bottle of beer out of each pocket. "Only for us, sorry. Official function."</p><p>"I'll drink mine fast." They both made a race out of eating the nachos first, but John waved Rodney toward the pizza.</p><p>"I already had a slice earlier."  John started in on the sliders. "I can't remember the last time chef hauled out so much food at once."</p><p>"After the Wraith siege. When we came back with the first <i>Daedalus</i> stocking run."</p><p>"Oh, yeah. Man, we had real hush puppies, cinnamon rolls, not-fake chocolate. Good times." </p><p>"Good times." </p><p>After they finished up everything on their plates, John gathered up all the trash and dumped it.</p><p>"You good?" he asked.</p><p>Rodney started to reply and belched in the middle.</p><p>"Nice one," John said. "Okay, one last surprise. Hey, Teyla! We ready?"</p><p>Teyla came over. "Ronon is just bringing it just now."</p><p>With John drumming a small fanfare on the mess hall counter, Ronon stepped out from the kitchen carrying a gigantic sheet cake. Instead of the usual chocolate or vanilla, though, the cream frosting was coffee-colored. The cake had 'Happy Nobel Day' written upon it, with an unflattering rendition of a golden Alfred Nobel Prize awarded to the 'Classified Nobel Laureates-in-Waiting of the Atlantis Expedition.'</p><p>Rodney sniffed. "Is that coffee frosting?"</p><p>"Yup. Coffee cream and chocolate cake."</p><p>"I'm touched." Rodney's seasonal allergies were acting up.</p><p>John grinned. "And vanilla ice cream."</p><p>Rodney's eyes closed. "Okay, that's it. You, Teyla—" he pointed. "Please save me two pieces. Oh, and save John one, as well. Thank you.  You," he grabbed John by the arm, "you're coming with me, right now."   </p><p>"Kanaan and I are long past this phase," Teyla said to Ronon.</p><p>"They should stay in bed until they wear out their dicks."</p><p>"Ronon!"</p><p>Without giving John a moment to stop laughing, Rodney dragged him into the kitchen and through to the supply room he'd been instrumental in refitting from an Ancient food processing area. He locked the door quickly and took a look around at the boxes of macaroni and cheese and sacks of Athosian waghto flour—super nutty, tasted a little like grapes. The sacks were stacked at the perfect height to push John onto.</p><p>John stopped laughing fast and kissed Rodney, his lips a warm and soft contrast to the scruff of his upper lip. Rodney stroked his tongue along it, enjoying the rough and the smooth, the slick urgency of John's teeth scraping against Rodney's lower lip.</p><p>"You are such a tease," John said. "A whole week, you wouldn't let me kiss you. That's criminal."  He shoved his tongue in Rodney's mouth and pulled him closer, squeezing Rodney between his thighs.</p><p>"Anaconda," Rodney gasped. "Grasping, greedy, anaconda."</p><p>"Please. Your arms can give a guy rope burn."  John yanked Rodney closer and started nibbling his earlobe. The bastard knew what that did do him. Rodney let out a trembling sigh and pawed at John's shirt.</p><p>"You're hornier than I am, and that's saying a lot," Rodney said. "Let go so I can blow you."</p><p>"Sweet." John pushed Rodney away and started undoing the buttons on his BDU pants.</p><p>"And here I was going to undress you, give you the full works."</p><p>"Full works later. Blow me now."</p><p>Rodney chuckled and dragged over a sack of Lemurian brown rice, the tiny, beady kind. It made a nice, soft pillow for his knees. By the time he settled down, John's dick was waiting for him, already flushed thick and hard. John wrapped his hand around it and squeezed it slowly.</p><p>"Here," he said roughly. "I'm all ready for you."</p><p>Rodney licked his lips. He wanted that cock. He wasn't even sure why he'd deprived himself of it as long as he had.</p><p>"Well, here I am already," he said, resting his hands on John's thighs and opening his mouth.</p><p>"Don't pretend you're not drooling for it," John said, pulling Rodney forward from the back of his head and feeding him his cock nice and slow. Rodney licked frantically, and yes, he was drooling, what of it?  John's cock was delicious, almost as good as a deep-fried cheeseburger, and Rodney could have it whenever he wanted.</p><p>John whimpered, and Rodney fluttered his tongue again and swallowed, taking him down.</p><p>"Jesus, Rodney, yeah. You're so good at this."  John's hands were gentle on Rodney's face, going over his head and neck, encouraging him but not shoving, as Rodney bobbed his head faster and faster, flushing a little at the praise. Damned straight he was good. His dick ached, and his rhythm faltered as he reached down to unbutton his pants, freeing himself. He could tell John was going fast, so Rodney sped up a little and groped up John's leg to fondle his balls.</p><p>John groaned a warning, and Rodney grinned around his stiffening cock and went down fast, letting John's come go down the back of his throat before pulling away to swallow.</p><p>"Feast of champions," he said to John's dazed grin. Rodney wiped his mouth with two fingers.</p><p>"C'mere." John pulled him up and kissed him. "Worth the wait."</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"Give me your dick."  John pulled Rodney beside him and reached into his open pants. "Nice, you're all primed to go. You really love sucking my cock."  </p><p>"No kidding. Ahh, nice. Right there—use your other hand too."</p><p>John shifted over and got both hands in the action, and even propped Rodney's leg around his waist.</p><p>"Ohhhhh, yes, please. You know what I like."  Rodney closed his eyes and relaxed. "That's it, that's perfect. Jeez, yeah. Your hands. So good."</p><p>"You taught me right." John sounded amused and turned on.</p><p>"A little deeper...yes! Yes! Don't stop. Don't stop. Ohhhhhhh."</p><p>John chuckled and kissed his cheek. "Be right back. Don't move."</p><p>"Ohhhh-kay."</p><p>Rodney heard John unlock the door and clatter around in the kitchen area before he came back. He had a damp towel that he dabbed on Rodney's shirt and swiped around Rodney's dick, and then he buttoned Rodney up.</p><p>"You really are a full-service romantic partner."</p><p>"Per the terms of our agreement," John said.</p><p>"Mmm." Rodney yawned.  "I love you, by the way."</p><p>Silenced gaped for a brief, interminable moment. Then John rolled over, the flour shifting under him with a squeak, and grinned down at him. "I love you too, you doofus."</p><p>"Good. Now, where's my cake?"</p><p> </p><p>................................<br/>
February 26, 2021<br/>
San Francisco, CA</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comment with emojis!  Here's the key:<br/>🍩 == Sweet!<br/>🥜 == Nutty!<br/>🥛 == The sex was nutrious!<br/>🌶 == Rodney's tush, amirite?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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